Reasons #2-11 Why I Shouldn’t Be Trusted With Flowers

I don’t get sent flowers. This is largely because I tell people, “don’t send me flowers.”

It’s not that I don’t like flowers, or that I don’t appreciate the gesture. It’s just that I kill plants by looking at them. It’s kind of my super power, if we’re being honest. I water them, I put them in appropriate levels of sunlight, I read to them from encouraging texts (Flowers for Algernon, The Scarlet Pimpernel, The Black Dahlia, you know- flowery books.) And yet, still they die. I just don’t get it.

So imagine my dismay when I received a basket of flowers and house plants today from my coworkers.

Seriously. It was a lovely basket of flowers and house plants.

It was meant as a sympathy arrangement, the kind that softly says, “we’re so sorry to hear about the recent ugliness in your life. Here’s something beautiful to help.” But all I could hear is, “sorry someone you loved died. Here’s something else you can watch fade away.” (If you’re new here, my brain is kind of evil to me sometimes. This is one of those times.)

I immediately reached out to my gardener friends for advice on how to give these plants a life expectancy that exceeds 3 days. They’re still considering that question (or more likely, considering how to let me down easy), so I turned to some others for advice on plant care. I present the collected responses below, in the event that it helps anyone else with a similarly black thumb.

Bilbo suggested I consult the forest elves. And then asked for directions back to The Shire.

Picard just kept yelling, "There. Are. Four. Plants!"

Carol suggested that I spend my time simply looking at the flowers.

Daryl was too mesmerized by the beauty before him to help. Or to notice the danger behind him.

The Harvest Moon animals couldn't stop laughing long enough to be of any use.

Twilight Sparkle is 80% sure she has a book on plant care, but only 20% sure she knows the way out of the fern.

The Doctor, despite having improved his camouflage abilities, ignored my question and kept trying to sonic the assistant gardener.

Like Picard, the assistant gardener only had one phrase: "POLLINATE!"

Finally, the dragons had the only actually helpful bit of advice: fire-proof the lilies.

This post title makes a lot more sense now, doesn’t it?

Finishing Strong

It’s T-20.5 hours until Dragon*C0n.

Naturally, I haven’t begun to search for my costumes.

I also haven’t quite finished making my costumes.

I also also haven’t finished work.

Basically, I’m right on schedule (for me, for cons).

The good news is that I’ll get it all done.  I’ll find my costumes, I’ll finish making the child Borg costumes, I’ll remember to be on time for my shift, and somehow I’ll cram everything into the car for the hour’s drive to Atlanta.  Heck, I’ll even probably remember to stop off at my brother’s apartment and pick up the cane that my roommate needs for her costume.

(She’s totally going as Wil Wheaton. Actually, as Wil Wheaton’s character Dr. Parrish on Eureka.  Wil Wheaton broke his ankle while filming so the writers rewrote it so Dr. Parrish had to miss the mission to Titan, which really sucked for Dr. Parrish (and probably Wil Wheaton too), but provided the PERFECT COSTUME for my roommate, who had already made an Astreaus uniform and then broke her foot last week.)  (Oh, and when I posted this on Twitter, WIL FREAKIN WHEATON REPLIED TO ME!)

So, not only did I tweet with Wil Wheaton, but the writer/producer of Eureka as well. *nerd flail*

The point of this chaotic post is this: I just have to remember that it will all get done.  It will all work out, things will be remembered, and anything that is forgotten can be adjusted for.

Sometimes I feel like I ought to tattoo that on my foot, so the next time I’m kicking myself for messing something up, I can remind myself that it’s probably not that big of a deal.

ooh, I bet there will be someone at Dragon*Con who could help me with that….*

With that, I’m off to work.  The Con runs through Monday, so I’ll be back on Tuesday, likely with pictures of children dressed as Star Trek aliens.  You’ve been warned.

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*Note to mom- Kidding.  Totally kidding.  I mean, it would be way too expensive and take up way too much skin to have 24 words tattooed.  Oh, and there’s the whole needle thing too.

Seeing Beyond The Outside

It’s early August here in Atlanta, which means we are mere weeks away from one of the biggest science-fiction/fantasy/pop culture conventions in the world descending on our fair city.  Over 40,000 self-proclaimed geeks and nerds will march down Peachtree Street and claim the downtown hotels as their own for four days over Labor Day weekend.  Thousands more will attend just to see the handmade costumes that take the better part of years to meticulously craft, or in hopes of catching a glimpse of a celebrity guest.  It is Dragon*Con, the East Coast haven of geek culture, and it is the event for which I save, plan, and save some more all year long.

Within this geek culture lurks a dark side, however.  It is ingrained in decades of tradition, rooted in erroneous thinking, and capable of destroying weekends and even lives.  It is the stereotype of the female geek, namely that she is incapable of being a “true” geek and is merely present for her outward appearance.  A recent internet article added fuel to this fire by claiming that there are girls who will don a somewhat geeky t-shirt or a sexy Catwoman costume and flaunt around sci-fi/fantasy conventions, solely to revel in the attention they receive from female-starved male geeks, and that such girls make up the majority of female convention-goers.  Whatever the intended spirit of the article, all it did was make life for true geek girls (who not only exist, but exist in the millions), that much more difficult.

Most people can recite any of several stereotypes of a male geek.  It’s a murky area however, determining what truly constitutes a geek.  What is clear is that the definition of a male geek is changing rapidly with geekdom becoming socially acceptable, and more and more of the male population willing to admit that they enjoy Star Trek, animes, or fantasy RPG video games.  Disappearing are the days of the high school geek being shoved into a trash can or the nerdy boy hiding in the dark of his bedroom with his Xbox.  Male geeks are recognized for their intelligence, their desire to make the world a better place, and the simple fact that they are just as worthy of love and respect as the rest of the human race.

The problem is that the female stereotype of a geek is not changing as quickly, and is in fact moving backwards in some ways.  When attractive girls talk about being geeks or into geek culture, they are labeled as poseurs or lying to get attention.  When unattractive girls talk about being geeks, they are labeled as harpies, or worse, ignored outright.  There is precious little recognition for female geeks for their intelligence, their desire to make the world a better place, and the simple fact that they are just as worthy of love and respect as the rest of the human race.

This lands girl geeks squarely into a Catch-22.  They will be ignored if they are not pretty, but their opinions will be similarly disregarded if they are pretty.  What this means is that we’re not hearing the girl geek side of the story.  We’re not seeing the day-to-day struggles of the girl geek, and that means that these double-standards will never be challenged.  It’s time for this to change.

Let me shed some light on what it means to be a girl geek.  It means that I am called sweetheart, honey, baby, princess, darling, girl, chick, and many other condescending nicknames every day.  It means that I am overlooked, looked through, or blatantly avoided at my job at a video game store.  It means that customers ignore me, or worse, lavish condescending attempts at flirtation on me.  I’ve been told that I’m pretty in a dozen ways, and never once was it said to me in a way that didn’t suggest objectification.  When I make a mistake, it’s ok because I’m cute.  When I go out of my way to make a customer happy, it’s because I’m a woman and we worry about others’ feelings.  When I don’t feel well, it’s because I’m a female.  When I talk about an “ungirly” video game, I see shock on customers’ faces far more than I see excitement about a shared interest.  I have had customers touch my shoulders, my head, my hands, even my waist, all uninvited.  I have had male customers lift their shirts and bare their chests twice while talking to me.  All of these things have happened even within view of the store’s security camera.  I’ve been lucky and been able to disengage from these customers quickly and decisively, and it is far from the norm for my customer interactions.  It is what happens at a male-dominated workplace in a male-dominated industry, however.  My coworkers are all wonderful guys, but there’s not much anyone can do when a customer decides to buy into a stereotype.

Sadly, this attitude isn’t limited to the workplace.  When I walk into my local comic book store, I am either greeted with looks of surprise or looks of loathing from male customers.  Even though I have been there every month for a year, I am still an outsider.  When I attend a convention, I am subjected to the same sort of treatment.  I have to fight to be taken seriously as a fellow geek, and I find myself avoiding conversations with male con-goers.  I am missing out on meeting people who share my interests because experience has taught me that male geeks do not want to listen to me debate Kirk vs Picard or Tennet vs Smith.  They want me to wear a corset, smile for a picture, and not pretend to be as knowledgeable about Battlestar Galactica as them.

I am not outwardly beautiful, and I do not wear skin-tight costumes.  I am not the girl that the boys are fantasizing about, and I am certainly not the girl that the boys are lining up around the block for.  I am simply a girl with a genuine smile and green eyes who wants to be able to enjoy Star Trek and video games without being talked down to, leered at, or stereotyped.  I want the guys who share my interests to see me for me: the girl with a Master’s Degree who can’t find a full-time job, who sings in the car when she’s alone, who pours her heart out in the written word because she can’t always get her spoken words in the right order, and who may be relatively new to the Star Trek fandom, but can swear in Klingon with the best of them.

I am a girl geek, and I will not let stereotypes stand in the way of me pursuing my interests.  I love who I am, flaws and all, and I wouldn’t change a thing.  Despite this, it would be nice to just once be seen for all that I am, rather than just which secondary sex characteristics I possess.  I know that I’m not going to break down decades of stereotypes in 1300 words, but if I can make one person stop and think twice about that girl in leather boots and a mask, then maybe that change can finally begin to happen.

So as Dragon*Con 2012 approaches, my wish is this: that all the girl geeks and all the boy geeks be seen as simply geeks, sharing the same five-hotel radius, the same quest for a decent meal, and the same desire to pursue their interests without fear of judgment, if only for four days out of the year.

Things Video Game Store Customers Say

I love hearing about the questions that customers ask bookstore employees, especially ones like “I read a book when I was 8, and it has a blue cover with a flower.  Do you have that book in stock?”  You know, the kind of questions that the phrase *headdesk* was invented for.  Sadly, I have found that this phenomenon is not limited to bookstores.

I’ve been working in a video game store for about 10 months now, and over that time I have heard/witnessed some awe-inspiring displays of… shall we say, less-than-intelligent behavior from my customers.  Today, I’d like to share some of my favorites with you. (In order to stay with the Penny Story Thursday theme, we’re going to consider these One Cent Comments.)

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1. What a Charming Child.

Me: Welcome to [store name redacted].  How can I help you today?

Customer: We’re looking for Wii games.

Me: OK, they’re over here.  Any particular game in mind?

Customer: Well, what do you recommend for a boy my son’s age?

Me: Mario is always a best-seller, and there’s a new Mario Galaxy game out now.

Customer’s son (a charming boy about 9): Mario is a f****** f*****.

Me: *speechless*

Customer: So what else do you recommend?

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2. I’m Not Tech Support.

Me: *answers phone* Thank you for calling [store name].  How can I help you?

Customer: Yeah, I’m trying to set up my Xbox, and it says there’s not enough… Ns?

Me: That’s a network overload issue.  Are you on wireless?

Customer: Yeah.

Me: Ok, try resetting the router.  That might fix it.

Customer: The router?  I don’t think one of those came with the room.

Me: Oh… um, are you at a hotel?

Customer: Yeah.

Me: Ok, then you’ll have to call the front desk for help, sir.

Customer: I can’t do that.  They don’t know I’m here.

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3. Silly Rabbit, Girls Don’t Play Video Games.

Me: *answers phone* Thanks for calling [store name].  How can I help you?

Customer: Yeah, can I speak to someone about Call of Duty: Black Ops?

Me: Are you looking for a price on the game?

Customer: No, I need some help.  Is there someone there who has played the game?

Me: I have played the game.

Customer: *long pause* But, you’re a girl, right?

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4. Bad Connection.

Me: *answers phone* Thanks for calling [store name]. How can I help you? (You’d think I’d learn to stop answering the phone.)

Customer: Yeah, I was trying to see how much you’d give me for my DS Lite?

Me: Ok, we have to see the system in person before we can give a quote.

Customer: Yeah, but how much is it worth?

Me: That depends a lot on the condition of the system. We have to make sure it turns on, loads games, doesn’t have scratches, that sort of thing.

Customer: Yeah, I want cash for it.  How much?

Me: Well, you have to be over 18 to get cash, and we still would have to see the system in person before I could give you a value.

Customer: I’ll send my momma. (No joke- the kid said “momma”.)  Ok, how much would you give me for Call of Duty?

Me: I’d have to see the game in person too.  Trade-in values are all about the condition of the game or the system.

Customer: Have you heard of the game?

Me: *patience wearing very thin* Yes, I have heard of Call of Duty.

Customer: Ok, how much for it then?

Me: I. Have. To. See. The. Game. First.

Customer: Ok, fine. I’ll call back later and talk to someone else.

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5. Burning Down The House.

Me: *Answers phone* (we all know where this is going.)

Customer: Yeah, I just bought a Wii game there and it doesn’t work.

Me: I’m sorry to hear that.  If you bring it back with your receipt, we’ll be glad to replace it.

Customer: Here’s the thing.  I’ve bought pre-owned games from you in the past, and they never work.

Me: I’m very sorry to hear that.

Customer: *cuts me off* Yeah.  So, I’m going to bring this game back and you’re going to replace it.  And if I get home and it doesn’t work, I’m going to burn your house down.

Me: *hangs up, turns to manager* I’m going to go take my break now, ok?

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6. In Which I Finally Get To Use A Sweet Home Alabama Line.

Customer: *storms in, slams game on the counter*  I bought this here last Saturday and it doesn’t work.

Me: I’m sorry to hear that.  I can replace it for you.  Do you have your receipt?

Customer: *stares coldly* No.

Me: That’s ok.  Do you have a membership card with us?

Customer: *still seething* No.

Me: Oh.  Well, I can’t return the game without a receipt or a membership card.  Would you like to tra-

Customer: *slams hands on counter and leans into my face* Are you s****** me?

Me: You know, I’ve never understood that phrase, but no, I am not s****** you.

Customer: *grabs game, storms out of store*  I’m never coming back here again!

My manager: We’re going to really miss having him around.

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7. Just Pull A Bit Harder.

Customer (note- a fully-grown man): *walks up to counter, hands me a Wii remote box, still hanging on the magnetic locked display rack.*

Me: Um, what happened?

Customer: *shrugs* I couldn’t get it off the rack.

Me: *glances across the store at the new large hole in the wall* Oh, ok.  *Grabs magnet, unlocks rack*

Customer: Oh, so that’s how those work.

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8. The Kinect Is Not For Everyone.

Customer: Can I get the controller for the Xbox?  I have my Driver’s License. (An ID is required for getting the display controller.)

Me: Oh, we have the Kinect on today.  You don’t need the controller.

Customer: No, but I want to play the golf game you have on today.

Me: Yes, it’s a Kinect game.  You just stand in front of the TV and swing like you really had a golf club in your hands.

Customer: *look of deep distrust*  Can I just get the controller, please?

Me: I promise you, you don’t need the controller.  Just stand on the mat in front of the TV and wave your hand.

Customer: *stares*  Whatever. *walks away*

Me: I swear, I’m not messing with you!

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9. We’re Not Babysitters.

Customer: *opens door, shoves child inside*  Stay here.  I’ll be back in an hour. *leaves*

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10.  We’re Still Not Babysitters, Unless You’re Willing To Pay.

Customer: *opens door, shoves child inside.  Looks around and spies employees at the counter*  Hello!  I’m just going to be a few doors down, ok?  I’ll be back in twenty minutes!

Coworker: That’s fine.  Childcare is $20 an hour.

Customer: *stern look at child* Don’t you break nothing while I’m gone. *leaves*

(Sadly, the child immediately went after his mom, and my coworker and I never got our $20.)

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Finally we have my all-time favorite customer interaction.   It’s been implied so many times before, but last week I finally had a customer come right out and say it.

11. You’ll End Up Like Those People

Child: *brings his mother two video games*

Child’s mother: No, you get one.

Child: But I just traded in one game.

Mother: Yes, and you’re only allowed to have two video games at a time.

Child: C’mon, mom, please?

Mother: No!  Too many video games will rot your brain, and you’ll end up working here like those people. *points to me and my coworker.*

Me: *represses urge to smack her with my Master’s degree*  (also, I should add that half the store has Master’s degrees, and the rest are either in college or hold Bachelor’s degrees.  We’re also all gainfully employed.   I can totally understand why someone wouldn’t want their child to end up like us.)

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And there you have it.  That is the kind of stuff I deal with for six to eight hours, two to three times a week.  Don’t get me wrong- I do really enjoy my job.  I get paid to talk about video games, and it gets me out of the house and among people two to three times a week.  But sometimes, I just have to wonder if common sense is really so common after all.

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For those of you who have shared the horror of working in retail, what are your favorite customer interactions?  Leave me a comment and we can commiserate together.  Also, if enough people like this post, next week I’ll tell you about the time I worked at a skating ring and a customer threatened me with a knife over the price of a Slushie.