7 Books Til Christmas

Ah, Christmas time. The month of the year when it is not only acceptable but encouraged to eat as much delicious junk food as possible. This tradition used to bring me a lot of joy. Now, as a gluten-free person, it brings me a lot of terror. Homemade Christmas cookies are a minefield of potential allergens, while the non-gluten-free assure me that, “it’s ok to cheat a little. It’s the Holidays, after all.”

My only salvation is the advent calendar, especially the cheap ones they sell at department stores for a few bucks. Made with some obscure chocolate brand from a land where they’ve never heard of wheat, barley, or rye, these slim cardboard boxes come embossed with my favorite design in the world- a gold circle with the letters GF inside. Certified Gluten-Free. It takes a lot of self-control to limit myself to a socially acceptable number of calendars for one person (it’s still 5, right?) when the fear of reaction has been removed.

This year, I have no advent calendar of chocolate. Instead, my advent calendar is decidedly less edible (at least in a conventional sense). This year, my advent calendar is made of books.

As most of you may know, I have a very bad habit of buying more books than I can read, leaving me with an ever-growing To Be Read pile. As some of you may know, this has expanded from a pile to an entire bookcase. The population usually hovers around 36, with new books being added as soon as one or two disappear. Right now, it is at a record low of 25 books. With the coming of Christmas, the shelf is only guaranteed to grow more.

So, I’ve decided enough is enough. The Tsundoku (a wonderful word meaning the act of buying a book and leaving it unread) bookcase must be vanquished, or at least partially vanquished. There are nine cubbies on the shelf. 5 of them currently hold books. My goal is to get it down to 3 cubbies by Christmas, for a total of 18 books or less left on the shelf. This means reading 7 books in 13 days.

Side note- this is a decidedly more fun goal than paying off student loans. Why didn’t I buy 60,000 books instead of going to grad school? I’d very happily spend ten years paying off that debt.

The list of books to be read by Christmas is below. You can also follow my progress on GoodReads, which is a great site for readers if you’re not familiar with it. My username is Kaedance. Look for the “Advent Calendar” shelf. Then feel free to look at the “to-read” shelf and laugh at my inability to stop buying books.

To Be Read By Christmas:

Alice In The Country Of Hearts, Volume 1 by QuinRose & Soumei Hoshino
The Chocolate Thief by Laura Florand
Vacations From Hell by Libba Bray, Cassandra Clare, Claudia Gray, Maureen Johnson, and Sarah Mlynowski
Pet Robots by Scott Christian Sava, Diego Jourdan, and Villagran Studios
Peter & Max by Bill Willingham
Megatokyo Volume 1 by Fred Gallagher & Rodney Caston
Eclipse One, edited by Jonathan Strahan

Three of these are novels, three are graphic novels, and one is a collection of short stories. All of them have been on my shelf for more than 6 months, and some of them have been there for over 18 months. Hopefully, they’ll all soon be promoted to one of the “read” bookcases.

With that, I’m off to read. I mean, I’m off to work. And then read. No reading books at work. I’ve never tested it, but I feel it’s probably discouraged in favor of reading spreadsheets and reports.

Gotta make money so I can buy more books.

3 Years

It’s funny how many of our phrases about life have to do with transportation- we’re on the right path, at a crossroads, off the rails.  We’re in the fast lane, bypassing failure, in a rut. We’re enjoying the ride, flying solo, living on autopilot. And the list just goes on.

Three years ago, I didn’t need a metaphor. I had literally taken an unexpected turn that had left my world somewhat literally upside down and my plans figuratively shattered into slivers.  I don’t want to go into the details of the accident here, (if you’re curious, you can read about it in my post What Remains, which also has the open letter I wrote to the Honda Car Company the next day. Warning: there are pictures of the car after the accident in that post) because as each year passes, I try to spend more time looking forward than looking back.

The first anniversary of the accident, I was afraid to drive anywhere.  I sat at home and enjoyed the fact that I was alive.  The legal aftermath of the accident had been settled just weeks before, and I finally felt free to move on.

The second anniversary, I thought (and posted, see above) about how the accident had changed my life for the worse. I have to take more precautions with my back muscles, I flinch more when someone does something unexpected on the road, and I worry more when someone else is behind the wheel.  But dwelling on those things isn’t doing anyone any good, least of all me, so I decided to spend the next year looking forward.

I guess I succeeded, because I totally forgot that it was July 16th today.  I spent the day working with new coworkers, replanning my monthly budget to reflect my recent pay raise (YAY!!! But that’s another post), washing the car with a couple of six-year-olds, and filming scenes for a web series.  I did the things that make me feel happy and fulfilled, rather than spending my time contemplating the fragility of life and how lucky I am to be sitting here in front of my computer today.

I suppose that’s the ultimate sign that I’m over the accident.  It’s never on my mind unless I’m having back pains and have to explain why to someone.  I drive past the accident site without cringing now, and some days I don’t even notice it at all.  It’s just another intersection, although it is somewhat pleasing to see that the two perfect black circles from the impact of my hubcaps on the road are still there.

So this year, I’m only thinking about the accident for as long as it takes me to finish this post.  Then I’m going back to what makes me happy, which tonight is working with an amazing group of actors to make something that is truly funny.

Maybe by next year, I won’t need a post at all.

Tallying It All Up

In case any of you missed it, I accomplished my goal on December 3rd.  I paid off my undergraduate student loans, and I have the picture to prove it:

After I finished dancing around the room and texting everyone I’ve ever known, I sat down to total all my payments for these loans.

Over this past year, I paid just over $12k.  Over the 8-year life of my loans, I paid just over $26k.  Since my original loan total was $23,300, I paid about 10% extra in interest.

I could have done a lot with $26,000: a nicer car, a bigger apartment, a lifetime pass to Dragon*Con (and ones for 5 of my friends as well), or a trip to any convention I wanted.

Instead, I have a college degree that informs my work life every day, and shaped my life in so many other ways.  I think I made the right choice.

Here’s hoping my graduate degree pays off in the same way.  Because really, there’s so much more I could do with $70,000.

One final note: this is the first New Year’s Resolution I’ve ever made and kept.  And no, next year’s resolution will not be to pay off my grad loans in a year, unless I win big on a lottery ticket in the next two weeks.  But I do have a new project starting on January 1st.  I’ll be posting more about that next week, so stay tuned.

October

It’s October!!!

I love October.  It means cooler weather, crunchy leaves, hot apple cider drinks, and enough rainy days to keep my angsty writer’s muse happy.

It also means there are three loan payments left this year.  Three more chances to meet my goal and pay off these loans.  As of today, there is just $3,523.91 standing between me and a full pay on the B.A. degree I earned four and a half years ago.

My October payment is scheduled for today, the full ideal payment of $1,334.  Since I FINALLY got my paycheck issues sorted out (it was a months-long process, and I didn’t talk about it much on here since I try not to whine to all of you… more than twice a month), I recieved a nice-sized check last week.  It covered six weekly timesheets, some dating back to May, a reimbursement from travel, and my first official full-time-job salary.

After a not-so-brief and furious mental battle, my practical side won out and I ended up saving most of the money.  After all, I’ll be apartment hunting in the new year and I’ll have graduate loans to start paying back.

Ugh. Graduate loans.  I don’t even want to think about how much those are.

Actually, I should probably go check.  Hang on.

.

..

…

….

Hmm, I’ve forgotten my password.  It’s been a while since I’ve logged into the site.  Where’s the reset button?

.

..

You know, it’s surprisingly easy to get access to my account without a password.

.

Ok, as of today, my graduate student loans have a balance of $68,769.72.

I knew I didn’t want to think about it.

I don’t even want to talk about it.

I was young. I was careless.  I fell victim to the promise of a stable economy.

But that’s a story for another post.

Today is a happy day, because I am $1,334 closer to being free of my undergraduate loans.  Just two more payments and that degree is paid off.  No more will I hear from Nelnet about the status of my loans.

Which is actually kind of sad, because they keep sending me letters like this:

Great Lakes won’t be sending me congratulatory letters like this. Great Lakes will be sending me vaguely-worded threats as to the location of their money. This has already begun, in fact.

I’ve gotten a letter like that each time I’ve paid off a group of my loans (three so far).  With October’s payment, I’ll pay off one more group.  I’ll be down to just Group E and its sinister interest rate of 6.8%.

I wonder what kind of letter Nelnet will send me in December?  Maybe one with a cat gif?

Maybe even this one?

I like this one.

So dance on, crazy cats.  It’s October and we’re that much closer to the end. 🙂

Momentum

Momentum is a funny thing.  Once you have it a little bit of it, it’s very easy to build up more of it.  The problem lies in getting that first bit.

I have to confess, I’m one of those people who watched the Olympics and not only thought, “I wish I could do that,” but also thought, “didn’t I used to be able to do that?”  It was the swimming that got me, especially the long-distance events.  When I was in college, I used to swim a lot.  As in, I had my own code to the school natatorium.  I would swim 1500 meters, shower, and go to my 8 am class four or five days a week.  I earned my lifeguard and Water Safety Instructor certifications, which both require dive tests and long-distance endurance swims.  I wasn’t a fast swimmer beyond 50 meters, but I was steady and I took pride in that endurance.  Swimming was easy for me, and it was fun.

Then I graduated.  Four years went by without daily access to a pool.  Work schedules, rising costs and unreliable access kept me from using my local aquatic center.  My graduate school class schedule conflicted with open swim at the university gym.  Left with no options, I stopped swimming.  Without realizing it, I lost my momentum.

Then the Olympics started.  I watched athlete after athlete dive into the pool, swim as hard as they could, and emerge smiling.  I remembered the feeling of satisfaction after a good workout, the exhaustion that kept my brain from doing its anxiety acrobatics, and the pride of being able to do something well.  I realized that I wanted that back.

Then I joined a gym.  It has a 25-meter salt water pool, which is shorter than I’m used to, but means no chlorine eating through my swimsuits, the latex on my goggles, or stripping the moisture out of my hair.  It also means access to the rest of the gym’s amenities (including a hydro massage table…).  I was thrilled with my decision, went out and purchased two new swimsuits at the end-of-summer clearance (two $70 suits for a combined total of $47) and a pair of goggles.  I jumped in the pool the first day, and realized something.

It had been four years since I had last swum laps.

Me, upon entering the pool for the first time in four years. I swear, I think I grew two extra limbs based on the number of ways and times I hit myself in the face.

I flailed around like a harpooned squid for fifteen minutes before I decided to call it quits.  The plate glass window at one end of the pool, which allows everyone in the gym to look into the pool, had a lot to do with this.  My screaming muscles had the rest.  I vowed to cancel my membership.

But then a strange thing happened.  I didn’t die.  In fact, I woke up the next day feeling better than I had in months.

Then a stranger thing happened.  I went back to the pool yesterday.  I got in the water, and suddenly my coordination was back.  I could swim from one wall to the other without gasping for breath, and the people outside the window didn’t look like they were trying to decide whether to call 911.

My body in the water was all…

My brain was all…

And when I was putting my shoes back on in the locker room, I had a discussion with a fellow gym-user about the pool.  When she told me that she was going to try swimming because I looked like I was in great shape, I was all…

I have found my momentum again.  This time, I’m not going to lose it.

August Update

It’s come to my attention that I haven’t been keeping up with my monthly loan updates.  For those of you who didn’t just fall asleep at the mere mention of finance, hang in there.  There’s some interesting stuff in here too.

Exciting news: at this moment, I have $4,884.12 left on my undergraduate student loans.  *cue cheers*

My loans were originally divided into 9 groups.  When I consolidated them a few years ago, two of those groups were labelled as “PIF” or paid-in-full.  Over this past year, I’ve been able to pay off another four of those groups.  The remaining three groups all have balances below $2,600.  My next goal is to pay off Group E, since it has the highest interest rate at 6.8%.

Interesting news: I have learned that it is in my best interest to designate specific amounts for each group.  When I pay an amount over the accrued interest, the rest goes towards paying the principal of the loan. However, my loan company (and I suspect others do this too) put that principal towards the groups with the lowest interest rates much more often than the groups with the highest interest rates.  This means I am paying off the low-interest groups first, while the high-interest groups are still costing me money.  It’s a good plan for the loan company, but it’s a terrible plan for me as a consumer.

I now specify how much of each monthly loan payment is to go to each group.  This lets me attack the high-interest groups first, and saves me money in the long run.  For those of you with loans, it might be worth it to see if this is an option for you.  Don’t let the loan company make any more money off of you than necessary.

Bad news: I’ve had some paycheck issues this month and last, and that has led to me being extremely short on money this month.   I’ve managed to scrape together just $112 for my monthly loan payment.  Of that, $52.20 will go to paying the accrued monthly interest.  Just $59.80, or 53%, will go towards my principal balance.  (For reference, last month 95% of my loan payment of $1,334 went towards principal.)

Everyone who has ever lived with a variable income can relate to how frustrating it can be to not be able to plan a monthly budget with confidence.  The good news is that I can pay my immediate bills, but luxuries such as student loan payments over the minimum amount and new video games will have to wait until everything is sorted out. *sigh*  At least there is…

Good news! It’s August, which means two things:

1) IT’S DRAGON*CON! I love Dragon*Con, and I save for it all year long.  This year, I am very happy with what I’ve been able to save.  It will mean costume upgrades and lots of celebrity autographs. Also, it may even mean food.

2) It’s my birthday month!  I love birthdays, and mine falls very close or during Dragon*Con, so it’s like a giant birthday party each year… with 100,000 of my closest friends.

Last bits of news: I’ve got a very busy work week ahead of me, and lots of potential changes coming in the next month or so.  One of these is a possible full-time job, so keep your fingers crossed for me on that front.  Also, be on the lookout for a short story involving the winners of the Blog Search Term Challenge on Thursday.  Finally, if you haven’t read it yet, go check out Seeing Beyond The Outside, a post I wrote on Saturday about how girls are perceived in geek culture.  There’s been a lot of debate on this topic lately, and the girl geeks are coming out far worse for it.

See you all on Thursday.

Five Things That No One Will Tell You About Budgeting

I’ve been through accounting and finance classes (including three at the graduate level), Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University, read countless internet articles about how to budget, and I’ve gotta say- every budget plan I’ve ever seen falls victim to the Diet Fallacy.

What’s the Diet Fallacy, you ask?  It’s the idea that if you just cut enough out, you’ll get the results you want.  If you cut enough calories, you’ll stop gaining weight.  If you cut out the couch surfing time, you’ll start losing weight.  If you cut out enough fat, you’ll get a rocking bod in time for swimsuit season.

As anyone who has ever been on a diet can tell you, that plan may work but the level of suffering that comes with it kind of destroys the happiness over any positive result.

The same is true for budgeting.  Sure, you can make it all work if you cut out enough spending, but if you’re sitting at home in the dark because you can’t allow for a higher electricity bill or gas for the car, are you really any better off?

So, in order to correct the prevailing Diet Fallacy in budgeting, I’m offering up The 5 Things That No One Will Tell You About Budgeting.

1. Chill out.  Seriously- relax.  Put down the calculator and step away from the spreadsheet.  Take a deep breath.  Look at this turtle.

Now that you’re smiling again, let’s continue.

Creating a budget is so much simpler than most people realize, especially if you have a steady income.  Draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper.  On one side, write down your monthly income.  On the other side, write down your financial priorities (these should be along the lines of food, house payment/rent, utilities, etc) until you’ve written down everything you spend money on from most important to least important.  Then, go down the line and give some money to each item.  Adjust monthly as needed. It may take some time to fine tune it all, but just remember to keep breathing.

2. Build in some wiggle room.  I have a section in my budget called “miscellaneous” and it gets $30 per month.  This goes to cover any part of my budget that goes, well, over budget.  Perhaps the cost of shampoo rises, the rabbit gets an ear infection, the mob comes and cuts the car’s brake line, etc.  The point is, costs are going to change each month.  The experts will tell you to have an emergency fund set up for these times, and that’s good advice; but having a place for the smaller emergencies already in the monthly budget will make you feel all warm and fuzzy for being prepared, and that’s a good feeling.

3. It’s OK to spend.  Repeat after me: it is ok to spend money.  Sometimes we get so caught up in watching the dollars and cents that we hold on too tightly to our money.  I catch myself doing this every single month.  I start worrying that the accounts won’t all balance out.  If I let it get too far, I’ll find myself rummaging through the tupperware cabinet, looking for a container big enough to freeze my debit card in a block of ice.  Don’t find yourself rummaging through the tupperware cabinet looking for a container big enough to freeze your debit card in a block of ice.  (Mostly because you’ll find tupperware from the 1980s and a surprising amount of dead bugs, but also because it’s counterproductive to the whole “chill out about the budget” concept.)  Put a line in your budget for entertainment each month, and spend every last cent of it.  Trust me- you’ll be a happier person.

4. Don’t punish yourself.  If you blow your budget one month, don’t start mentally berating yourself.  You’ve already spent the money, and chances are that you spent it on something you can’t return.  If it was a one-time thing (i.e. Best Buy had a 72” LED HDTV on sale for $100 for two hours, or ThinkGeek.com had a fire sale), accept the mistake and move on.  Enjoy your new TV and/or lightsaber.  If this was a repeat offense, take a look at your budget.  If you’re consistently overspending in one area, add more money to that area next month.  Take it from an area when you are under spending, or can make a cut.  Budgets can be flexible- don’t be afraid to make a change, and don’t feel bad for needing to do so.  Don’t end up looking like this:

At some point, I probably swore to never reveal this picture to the world. It’s cool though- my sister doesn’t read this blog.

5. Stop listening to the experts.  This is the best piece of advice I can give you.  For the love of buffalo nickels, stop reading everything you can find about how to budget.  Budgeting, like dieting, is a personal matter.  Read enough to learn how to make a spreadsheet, track receipts, and put debt collectors in their place, and then stop reading.  Sit down and do it yourself.  Don’t let yourself get stuck by the fear that you can’t do it, or that you’ll do it wrong.  If you are competent enough to recognize that you have money management issues, I guarantee that you are competent enough to make your own budget.  Plus, planning your budget yourself makes it a lot easier to stick to it.  Just saying.

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So that’s it for my advice.  Do with it what you will.  Keep in mind that I’m not an expert, so that last bit of advice totally doesn’t apply to reading this blog.  You may continue to do that, and laugh at my frantic tupperware related searches, all you want.

Next week will have my loan payoff updates, provided the loan company gets their website back up by then.  In any case, there’s a good story behind how I scraped together this month’s loan payment.  Oh, and you may have noticed this site is now located at losingmycents.com.  I finally bit the bullet and registered the domain name.  I had a coupon, you see.

Benchmark

Today is the six-month anniversary of the blog, which means I’m now at the halfway point in this year-long quest to pay off my undergraduate student loans.

The thing is, it doesn’t feel like halfway.  Partially it feels like I’ve been at this for far longer, and partially it feels like it’s been much shorter.  It all depends on the day (or what shiny object that I can’t afford is in front of me at the moment).

Today is one of the days when it feels much shorter.  That’s probably because I’ve been doing some math, and I haven’t quite made it to the halfway-gone point in my loans.  I’m $487 off my ideal balance of $5,765, or half of the $11,530 balance I started with.

In any case, a midpoint is a cause for both looking back and looking forward.  So, let’s do some review and some forecasting.  The first section is a lot of number stuff.  The second section is a lot of non-number stuff.  Feel free to skip one or the other, depending on your personal opinions on number stuff.

By The Numbers:

• LOAN
  • Starting balance: $11,530.12.
  • Amount paid, by month
    • January: $250
    • February: $961
    • March: $948
    • April: $1,296
    • May: $1,329
    • June: $1,334
    • Total: $6,118
  • Interest paid, by month
    • January: $307.41 (partially accrued from previous months)
    • February: $110.03 (partially accrued from previous months)
    • March: $42.83
    • April: $46.83
    • May: $48.64
    • June: $28.84
    • Total: $584.58
  • Principal paid, total: $5,533.42
  • Current loan balance: $6,249.03

• BLOG
  • 26 weeks
  • 56 posts (including this one)
  • 431 followers
  • 6,704 total views
    • 1,230 views on busiest day (posted: Discarded)
    • Average 37 views/day
    • 258 views/week
    • 1,117 views/month
  • 0 Blog Awards or Freshly Pressed mentions, but some of the best and most supportive comments that I’ve ever seen.  The best of these sit in a document on my desktop, just for rereading when times get tough.

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By The Non-Numbers:

It hasn’t always been a easy road this year.  There have been times when I’ve been worried about future employment, stressed out over current employment, freaking out over late paychecks, ranting against the economy, angry with myself, frustrated with internet trolls, beleaguered by writer’s block, paralyzed by fear, consumed by anxiety, physically sick to the point I could not stand, bereft without a computer, slapped with unexpected expenses, and left wondering just for what it’s all been worth.

But there have been good times, too.  I’m learning how to let go of anxiety, plan for contingencies, but live in the moment, make a change in my world view, enjoy social situations more, know when to engage and when to disengage, find inspiration in odd places, be brave, heal, adapt, grow, express my dreams, and how to do all of that while keeping the parts of me that I like.

I know that there may be harder times ahead.  That’s just the nature of part-time employment and variable income (and life with OCD).  I’m still searching for that elusive full-time job, but even that would come with huge life changes.  I’m a big fan of routine, and unpredictability and change scares me.  I’ve come to realize that most people feel that way, however, and the best way around the fear is to talk about it and find support with others.  This blog has helped me do that, and I hope that it continues to be that way over the next six months.

It turns out this blog has been worth $6,118, and a lifetime of self-realization crammed into six months.

Thanks for being here this far.  Let’s see what the rest of the year holds.  It should be interesting.

I’m Being Chased By Zombies Today, So Here Are Some Things To Entertain You

That title wasn’t a lie to get you to click on my blog.  I really am being chased by zombies today, and I really did plan ahead and find a couple of things to entertain you in my absence.  You’re welcome.  If the zombies don’t win, I’ll see you all on Monday.

1) I wrote a thing.  It’s not a big thing at all, but it’s a thing I quite like.  It is also a thing that has nothing to do with finance.  It’s called The Astrophysicist and The Napkin.  You can read it here: http://voices.yahoo.com/the-astrophysicist-napkin-11504108.html?cat=44

2) I do have some finance info to share.  One of my readers sent me an infographic on debt collection, which appeared on his blog at the beginning of June.  I don’t repost things unless I find them a) highly amusing, or b) highly insightful.  This entry is mostly part b, but it does have pictures of blobby-robot-type creatures with telephones, and that kind of stuff just makes me giggle.  As such, I’ve decided to report the infographic here.  Read on and learn some important things about what is and is not legal in debt collection.  You can see more tips and tricks from Colin at http://frugaldad.com/

Source: http://FrugalDad.com

Contingency Plans

I might be one of the most OCD people you’ll meet.  You won’t see it on the outside.  My office looks like a tornado just blew through it at any given moment.  In fact, I’m writing this from my similarly-decorated bedroom, since my home office currently smells strongly of wood stain (hey, thanks, younger-brother-home-from-college. One word: ventilation).

So no, you may not see the OCD on the surface.  But once you take a peek at my alphabetized and cross-referenced DVD collection, my perfectly alphabetized and lined-up book collection, or how I follow the same steps every morning to get breakfast and start work, you’ll start to see the crazy.  If you know me in real life, perhaps you’ve even seen my attention wander during a conversation.  I’m not ignoring you- there’s just a really interesting sign behind you and I have to mentally rearrange the words and letters so it’s right.  Just give me a sec.  I’m still listening, I swear.

So yes, there’s a certain level of oddity about me.  I’ve come to accept that, and even embrace it at times.  For example, I am prepared for every contingency.  You name it, I’ve got a plan.  I can even prove it.

Contingencies For Which I Have A Viable Plan

Unemployment: No big deal.  I’ve got a diversified portfolio in the job market (I can’t claim credit for that gem of a description.  That comes from one of my church’s elders.  It’s my new favorite phrase.  You may be seeing it a lot).  Working five part-time jobs means I can lose a few and still have money coming in.  Status: prepared.

Financial Emergency: I’m set for two full months of expenses if I’m rendered totally unable to work, four months of expenses if I’m only able to work half my usual hours, and six months of expenses if I stop paying on my student loans (which I can do without penalty until 2015.  That’s an unexpected bonus of paying off loans early).  Emergency Funds are your friend, people.  You should seriously have one.  Status: prepared.

Medical Emergency:  If it’s someone else’s emergency, I’m trained in CPR, first aid, and basic water rescue techniques.  I’ve been working with kids for over a decade, including a stint at a skating rink, so I’ve pretty much seen it all: broken bones, allergic reactions, the odd impalement or two, even a few gnarly head wounds.  If someone else is bleeding, I’ve got it covered.  Now, if it’s my medical emergency, I’ve got health insurance and an emergency fund.  Both kept me from going completely broke after a car accident in 2010, and both kept me from losing a lot of money when I was sick a few months ago.  I’m also pretty cool with the sight of my own blood.  I’ve seen it enough, to which my co-workers can probably attest. (Related- sorry about that, co-workers).  Status: prepared.

Sugar Emergency: My blood sugar can go up and down faster than a Six Flags roller coaster (the really fast kind, not the kiddie coasters, just to be clear).  When it’s down, I’m not always a pleasant person.  As such, I’ve developed a contingency plan: Operation SUGAR (Sweets Under Guise As Required, which kind of makes sense if you don’t think about grammar or syntax too much).  There is a candy store within 100 feet of one of my jobs.  For the others, both offices have hidden candy reserves.  No, I won’t tell you where they are.  Yes, I will probably share.  Status: prepared.

Snuggle Emergency: No, I haven’t been gnawed on by a zombie.  I mean a real snuggle- the kind that doesn’t involve any brain-chewing.  Sometimes, you just need a snuggle.  For those times, I have this:

Status: prepared.

Zombie Emergency: Speaking of zombies, you’ll be relieved to hear that I have a plan for this contingency too.  First, track down my roommate’s two brothers, codenames: Mountain Man and Thanatos (There’s not really any significance behind Thanatos- I just think it’s an awesome code name).  Second, stay behind Mountain Man and Thanatos at all times.  End plan.  Seriously- those two are like every History Channel & Discovery Channel reality show combined.  If the zombies are coming for you, come find me and the boys.  Oh, and bring candy.  Status: prepared beyond belief.

Undead Emergency:  I’ve been watching a lot of training films on this topic, and I believe I’ve developed a fool-proof vampire repellent for each species.  For the brooding Brad Pitt type, you throw a starving yet adorable orphan in their path.  They will become so focused on saving the poor child that you’ll be able to make your escape.  The same principal works for the glittery type, as long as you substitute a brooding teenage girl for the orphan.  As for the maniacal Tom Cruise type, well, you’re pretty much out of luck on that one.  There’s no escape from the maniacal Tom Cruise type of vampire.  Status: prepared, except in the case of Tom Cruise.

Like I said, I have a plan for everything.  Except for Tom Cruise.  But to that I do have to ask: can anyone really have a good contingency plan for Tom Cruise?

Think on that til Thursday, folks.